I don’t get to spend this weekend with my boyfriend.

And then I go to Greece.

So when I get back it will have been four weeks since I’ve seen him, longer than we’ve gone so far. And it will be under his roof, meeting his family… it’ll have been three months. I wish I wasn’t meeting his family because it’s the only way I can see him, it doesn’t feel fair. I can’t wait for July when I won’t have so many imposed limitations.

I got so mad at my boss (internally) for continuing to switch everything the fuck up since I’ve given her notice… that I broke my 10 day streak of no symptoms.

And hey, by the way, I went TEN DAYS without symptoms, isn’t that crazy?

But yeah, not anymore. And I have so many motherfucking urges (pardon my french) but due to another one of her game changes I can really not afford buying food to binge on at all. I can’t afford much of anything between Greece/moving into London.

So tempted to cut out early, cut and run when my mum shows up and we go to greece, just not come back… but I kind of need her reference. Mindfuckery. Don’t have a clue what to do.

Oh, man, am I out of shape. I just did 30 minutes of yoga, and had to stop. That was lessening the difficulty of the asanas I did, too! Clearly I need to start making this a daily thing. And I think we’re going to walk to town, soon, so I’ll get in a bit of cardio that way. :) Baby steps, right?

Can’t believe I’ll be in Greece in 13 days!!!!!

Me and my confidence; We’re growing up slowly

I haven’t purged in 9 days. For most of that I wasn’t binging at all either - I mean, I was with Sir Boyfriend in Oxford and then horrifically sick all week, so I just didn’t have the energy. I did last night though, and it took hours for me to eat what I could normally scarf in half an hour. And I still didn’t purge it.

So now I figure I just have to get the self control to say, fuck it, you can’t binge, because you just AREN’T going to purge - it’s just not happening anymore, EVER.

And then maybe things will come together a bit more.

I only ate that much because I felt so out of control with my life. I know that’s true, because there was a definitive event (a talk with my boss) that happened pre-me-deciding-to-cook-and-eat. And that while eating I broke down talking to Sir Boyfriend on msn (our skype connection was crap, but that was what I really needed). But woah, I took a break from typing this for a minute and it only takes that long to get distracted from my motivations -> I found myself wondering if I still had time to walk to town and buy food. How crazy is that? Anyway, just had a really rough emotional night and it was clearly connected, so I’m thinking if I pay more attention to the emotional side of things I can cut it down at the source?

I’m hoping, anyway. Baby steps, all that jazz.

My boyfriend, bragging:

In the “Brag About Your Lover” discussion on r/sex…. fuck, I just melted into a pile of goo on the floor.

My girlfriend is a fellow Redditor and probably stalking my account, but I’ll post this anyway. It’ll probably make her blush.

Before I met her, I’d never really had one of those communication-based, sex-positive, enthusiastic partnerships that /r/sex likes so much. With her, though, I’m realising just what all the hype was about. We did MojoUpgrade together within two weeks of sleeping together for the first time. If one of us is having an issue, we can talk about it without it turning into a fight. We share porn occasionally. I feel like I can tell her any fantasy I have, no matter how out-there, and she’ll listen without freaking out, and I hope she feels the same way about me. And the best part is that she’s up for most of them. BDSM? We both love it. Public sex? We outdo ourselves pretty much every time we meet. Anal play? Sure, just use plenty of lube. She’s unashamedly, even gleefully, deviant, and we probably have as much fantasising together as we do actually carrying our ideas out. And she makes it painfully obvious just how much she wants me, which is a major confidence boost for someone that’s always been a little insecure about his attractiveness. I’ve finally managed to relax and have fun in a relationship.

She’s also smart, funny, and nerdy enough to be great company while we’re snuggling between rounds. Case in point: the first time we met, we ended up drunkenly singing the Firefly theme in a crowded bar.

And J, if you’re reading this, don’t use it against me.

;)